Family Business Matters 02/26 12:50

In the Shadow of Guilt

Feelings of remorse can get in the way of personal and business success.
Recognize how these three guilt factors can be detrimental to a farm family.

Lance Woodbury
DTN Farm Business Adviser

Positive feelings are what usually surround a family farm. Sun-filled images
of grandparents walking with grandkids on family land. Original land deeds or
old seed or feed dealership signs adorn office walls. Pride, history, tradition
and legacy are a few of the words that come to mind as we think about the
family business.

But there can also be a negative side to family businesses. Conflict,
secrets, drama, nepotism, avoidance, privilege and bias can float just under
the surface in many family-owned companies.

One of the most complex notions is guilt, the idea of thinking or committing
an offense. While guilt is generally created by the person feeling it, guilt
can be triggered by another family member, as well. Consider the following ways
guilt shows up in a business-owning family.

YOU MUST CARRY IT ON

For multi-generation businesses, perhaps no feeling carries more weight than
that of having to keep the family business going. The blood and sweat of your
ancestors are manifested in the current farm or ranch. To stop the business is
an insult to their efforts and will be seen as a disgrace to future generations.

The reality, however, is that there are often legitimate reasons to stop a
business in its current form. You may have no family members returning, or
those who have returned may not get along. The industry and competitive
dynamics may have drastically changed. Considering a split or sale of the
business your ancestors could not foresee may in fact be a wise business or
family move. But guilt gets in the way of good strategy.

YOU MUST COME BACK

Most parents want their children to pursue a vocation that makes them happy.
However, many parents who own family businesses also hope that one, or all, of
their kids will return. Depending on the verbal and nonverbal communication
about this desire, the next generation may feel required to return. It may even
be subtly hinted that they will be "missing out" on their inheritance if they
don't come back.

If a young person returns sheerly out of a sense of obligation or only for
an inheritance, he or she will not be happy. There is a high likelihood that
person's unhappiness will be reflected in poor business performance,
relationship challenges or problems such as addiction. I've met family members
who gave up their dreams of working or living elsewhere out of a sense of
obligation. Guilt got in the way of personal and professional happiness.

YOU MUST LEAD

Having the same last name as the business owner creates an expectation that
a family member will lead the company. Regardless of intelligence,
self-awareness, skills, goals or level of respect from others, it is assumed
the namesake will take the helm. Consequently, a strong sense of guilt is
associated with not wanting or having the desire to lead the family company.

The best person to lead the company may not be a family member. While being
part of a business-owning family may create an affinity for the organization,
DNA does not guarantee a family member will be a good leader.

Getting past the guilt implicit in family businesses requires two skills.
First, it requires broadening your definition of stewardship from simply
keeping "this business" going or keeping "this asset" intact, to taking care of
family wealth and values in whatever form that might take.

It also requires broadening your definition of personal and business
success. If you keep a business going regardless of the cost, if you guilt
someone into returning, or if you choose a family leader when a non-family
leader is a better option, you risk ruining family relationships. If that
happens, have you truly succeeded?

Lance Woodbury can be reached at lance.woodbury@pinionglobal.com




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